This is the private diary of a Viagra housewife...

 

Day 1

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. 

When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in

the bathroom and cried.

 

Day 2

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he

says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something

I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

 

Day 3

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a

Picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.

 

Day 4

A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will

fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,

things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work.

I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other

than his mood.

 

Day 5

What absolute bliss!!

 

Day 6

Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.

 

Day 7

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday,

at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought

they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice -- I don't

think I've ever been so happy.

 

Day 8

I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of

mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also

getting a bit sore down there.

 

Day 9

No time to write. He might catch me.

 

Day 10

Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much.

And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whiskey!

What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over...

 

Day 11

I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black

and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my

armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.

 

Day 12

I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or

even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become

dangerous...

 

Day 13

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to

bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops,

sorry" thing again, I'll kill the jerk. 

 

Day 14

I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even

started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier.

Help me!

 

Day 15

I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I

sit on.  The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any

more. Last night I told him to go screw him self and he did.

 

Day 16.

The jerk has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody

thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going

back on Prozac.

 

Day 17.

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference...

Christ! Here he comes again!

 

 Day 18

He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV

all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything

for him.

 
 

What absolute bliss!!