Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in
the bathroom and cried.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something
I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
Picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will
fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work.
I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other
than his mood.
What absolute bliss!!
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday,
at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought
they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice -- I don't
think I've ever been so happy.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also
getting a bit sore down there.
No time to write. He might catch me.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much.
And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whiskey!
What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over...
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black
and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my
armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or
even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to
bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops,
sorry" thing again, I'll kill the jerk.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier.
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I
sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any
more. Last night I told him to go screw him self and he did.
The jerk has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody
thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going
back on Prozac.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference...
Christ! Here he comes again!
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV
all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything
What absolute bliss!!